Dealing With a Difficult Person
We have all been in that place. You may be in this spot right now! An individual that we think is a friend, hurts us. A special someone doesn't measure up to our expectations. What if we are in a relationship and realize that something is off? A close friend disappoints? A significant other lets us down? We realize that what we do or say next could truly alter the trajectory of the relationship. The real question becomes "How do we handle ourselves when dealing with a difficult person?"
Why is this the question to ask? We can only control ourselves! Difficult people are all around us and it is in our dealing with them that we begin to show our own true colors. When handed a trying situation, do we plow through forcing friendship or relationship? Ignoring the elephant in the room? Do we back off and look for a place to take cover? We all have our vices, our ways of comforting ourselves and handling difficult people or situations.
Here's what I believe. In these moments of struggling with difficult people, we are being handed the opportunity for growth. We receive this chance to grow and change and see what we are truly made of down deep. Can we still send blessings to someone who hurts us? Are we capable of seeing the actions as separate from the person? Can we realize that yes, we can dislike the action and still like the person?
Relationships can be tough! Especially when our hearts are involved. But, I believe that it is in these difficult times, that we have the opportunity to show what we are truly made of. Here is my plan for difficult people:
Step Back from the Situation
When dealing with a toxic person or a hard situation, it is imperative that you step away from it. No one can operate from a place of grounded, peace when the situation is directly in front of you and you haven't processed it yet. Give yourself some space to think through the situation. Breathe. Don't text, email or post on social media. Just. Step. Back.
Look at it Through the Eyes of a Bystander
After you have taken a few deep breathes (about 50 or so), pretend that it is not your experience. I find this incredibly helpful. Imagine watching the scenario, the interaction, the conversation from the vantage point of a bystander. Someone in the crowd just watching and listening to the dialogue. Be honest. Don't rewrite history. If you can't look at it honestly, it's going to be a tough road ahead.
Sometimes, it is in this step that the growth occurs. The light bulbs come on. Did you say something that could have been mis-interpreted? Did your body language speak volumes that your words didn't say? Carefully look at the actions and words of the other person. Did you read into their words? Was there an implied meaning that could have been misunderstood? Remember that we are only in control of our own thoughts and actions! Don't over-analyze but definitely look back at the situation taking your own feelings out and try to see it from a stranger's point of view.
Accept the Situation Without Judgement or Blame
Realize that there will always be two-sides to every situation. Always. You experienced it one way. The other person has their own tale to tell. There are always two sides and when we are lucky, those sides are in agreement. Here's the thing. We can't judge ourselves after the action. We can, however, look back and learn from the experience. Learning is quite different from judging.
Accept the situation. Don't blame the other person. Don't blame yourself. Blame and shame have no place in resolving difficult situations. This is what it was. Period. You can offer more words. You can try to repair damage. You can even pretend that it didn't occur. But acceptance plays a large role in moving forward. Accept without judging. Learn from it.
Send Blessings to All Involved
After being faced with a difficult situation or a toxic person, how do you find resolution? I believe that one of the best ways to end any situation is by offering light. Sending them blessings. Saying a prayer for them. Keeping them in your thoughts surrounded by pleasantness. Is this always easy? Of course not, but this is where the growth comes from. The learning.
Realizing that these lives we lead are simply tools for us to evolve is key. This is how we learn to be better people. Or not. We all know people who don't learn and continue to make those same mistakes or have the same interactions. That is their journey and eventually, they will learn either in this life or the next. I believe that sending blessings is the best way to close any interaction. Send light, offer love, accept and move forward.
Peace and Many Blessings to you!